Welcome to Confused To Confident Where We Embrace Being Single
Hello all you wonderful women. We are going to cover another aspect of relationships this week, being single. If you didn’t see last week’s relationship post you can check it out here. Don’t worry if you are married, this post will still benefit you. Just read on to find a more fulfilling relationship within your marriage.
It’s a great feeling to be single, You’re able to do whatever you want, whenever you want, without having to check in with anyone. It has a sense of freedom that could never be achieved in a marriage or committed relationship. However, it also can come with a sense of being alone. There is comfort in knowing you have someone who always has your back and is on your side against the world. Sure this role can be filled somewhat with friends but friends don’t have a stake in your life like a partner does. If you make bad choices and your house is foreclosed on, for instance, a friend may feel bad for you but it doesn’t affect their life. Unless, of course, it’s their couch you end up living on. So how do you have both?
First Thing To Do If You Are Single
The first thing you must do if you are single is ENJOY IT! Go out with friends. Go out by yourself. Snuggle in at home doing your favorite activity. Dance around the house naked with the music loud, indoors only please. Start a new hobby or work on an old one. Join a club, Meetup is great for finding groups where you can learn new things and for connecting with people doing things you already enjoy. Travel, you can find out, below, about the best vacation I ever had, and I went alone. Just have fun.
What To Avoid If You Are Single
What you want to avoid is trying to “find someone”. Focus your mind completely on being single. If you meet someone you like, enjoy the moment and send him home. Let yourself be single for at least one quarter of the time you were “with someone”. So say you were married for twelve years, you will want to be single for at least three years. If you dated one guy exclusively for four years and another for two, then you want to be single at least one and a half years. Add up all the years you were in any committed relationship then divide by four. This is the number of years to be single. You can’t count any time between relationships you have to start the clock after your last relationship ended. This is important because it takes time to figure out who you are as an individual. Relationships tend to blur who we are as individuals.
This is a good time to put on some party pants and get out of the house. It doesn’t matter where you go but dress up nice and feel good about yourself. It may be a good time to do, or redo, the activities in the other blog posts on Confused To Confident too. Push through the low time and it starts to get better. Remember to focus on yourself, what makes you feel good. And no, it isn’t a man. What makes you feel good outside of a man?
What If You Don't Want To Be Single?
When you reach the point where you are completely comfortable with yourself, but not a minute before, it’s time to open yourself up to let someone else in. I know this seems anti-productive, to wait until you don’t want someone, to start looking for someone, but it’s the only way to get freedom within a relationship.
You have to truly know, and be happy with, yourself. Once you are completely comfortable with who you are as a single individual, you can start attracting others who fit well around your puzzle. If your puzzle is incomplete, someone else in your life is just going to start inserting pieces in the middle. If that happens then some of your pieces will never fit. That is where you start losing your identity and freedom.
If you are a whole picture, you can find someone to be your perfect frame. A good frame gives security to the picture but doesn’t distract from its beauty. That’s what you want in a good relationship. You want to shine as yourself while being enhanced by a partner. Doing the weekly activities here at Confused To Confident will help you complete your puzzle so keep checking back every week and do the homework.
Activity - Being Single
If you have been reading my posts you are probably wondering what the exercise for this week will be. Here it is. Both married and single women can do it, although if your married, run it by your spouse. Explain it’s an assignment you have to do to make yourself a better wife. You will be a better partner if you feel whole and capable on your own.
Get out of the house and do one fun thing alone.
You can''t bring a friend or a coworker or even your dog.
And it can't be shopping, especially to the grocery store.
Pay attention to how you feel while doing this activity. You can come back and share with us if you'd like.
This may be a little scary, maybe a lot scary for some of you, but you will survive and possibly even thrive from the experience.
You will be surprised, if you haven’t ever done something alone before, at how freeing it feels. It may not be the greatest fun you ever had, then again it may be, but it's an important step in finding who you are. Knowing yourself is the only way to find someone who fits with you perfectly.
Take a look at the video or text below to see how my very scary trip by myself turned out to be the best thing I've ever done.
My Trip As A Single Person
My best vacation ever was a fifteen-day cruise, by myself, coast to coast through the Panama Canal. I have to say I dreaded the thought to start with. I don’t like doing things by myself and tried to convince everyone I knew to go with me.
I had always wanted to go through the Panama Canal on a cruise ship. The ships are so big they almost touch the sides. Well, I found out they had just decided to build a new, bigger, canal that the cruise ships could use easier. I needed to get on my trip now or it would never happen. Unfortunately, everyone I knew was either too busy or didn’t have the money to go. Finally, I just decided I would go by myself.
It was the best thing I have ever done!!! The people on board were mostly elderly people, retired and on board to cruise for the winter. They had nothing to do but sit around and chat. I learned about so many people from so many places, it was great! Being a big-time introvert, I don’t usually get fulfilled by chatting with people but I was able to go back to my room and be alone to rejuvenate. Once I had some alone time, then I could come back out and the people were there, ready to chat. It wasn’t like in the everyday world where people are usually too busy to interact with each other in person.
There, the ship was filled with hundreds of people whose sole goal was to get to know others on the ship. It was rewarding and refreshing to say the least. It also taught me that I can enjoy the company of strangers, even if I am an introvert.
I actually felt a loss from the lack of human connection when I got home. I now better understand why people are so addicted to their social media. We are a society of lonely people. So, get out there and meet some new people without worrying about romance. And leave those cellphones at home. It feels great!