How To Have A Great Romantic Relationship
Welcome to Confused To Confident Where Great Romantic Relationships Are Possible
Hello all you wonderful women. I had a request for information on romantic relationships so that will be our topic for today.
There are several aspects of being a woman today that make it more difficult to have a meaningful, close, romantic relationship. The biggest stems from the women’s movement. A lot of great things have come from the growth in women’s power. We are able to vote and work in any industry, our pay scale has increased, and we don’t have to depend on men to survive. For all the good that has come from women gaining more rights though, there's still a big negative. It has blurred our identity, as well as men’s. This identity confusion has hurt our romantic relationships.
A Woman's Need To Be Masculine & Feminine
As so many women are working to support themselves or help support their families, we are taking on masculine traits and giving up our power as a woman. Being feminine is a strong power that many of us women have forgotten how to use. We are so afraid of being “objectified” or “harassed” that we scorn and suppress our femininity. We may even shun other women who are being feminine. If we want to have a strong, romantic, relationship with a man, we need to act more like a woman.
Now don’t click away thinking I’m saying we need to go back to the archaic days, or let men walk all over us, I would never advocate that thinking. I’m also not suggesting that you give up your career or strength in the workplace. All I’m saying is, when you are with your man, or a man you would like to be yours, be a woman.
This was a hard lesson for me to learn. I lost several wonderful romantic relationships because I didn’t understand that I continued to function in my masculine role, which I needed at work, even when I was with my partner. (You can hear about my eye-opening learning experience in the video or text below.)
I want to help you see, that as women today, we need to be able to switch back and forth between our masculine traits, which help us in the workplace, and our feminine traits, which are essential for a romantic relationship. This can be a burden sometimes but it's so worth it.
Switching back and forth does become easier the more you practice. I'll give you some concrete steps in today’s exercise that you can do to start on your way to developing your feminine side.
Every man and woman has some of both masculine and feminine traits that can be stronger or weaker at various time. If men are using more of their feminine traits most often, they are often deemed weak or gay, which may or may not be the case. Women, however, have more flexibility. We need the more masculine traits to survive in the workplace, yet, to be in a strong romantic relationship, we need to be fully in our feminine state.
How Do You Know Which Trait You're In?
If you have ever felt that your relationships with men tend to feel more like friends or business partners than spark-flying romance, there's a good chance you were using your masculine traits.
Here’s a quick example of how I realized I was normally in my masculine state. Maybe your reaction will help you identify if you are acting in yours.
I was sitting in the airport waiting to pick up a friend. A husband and wife were sitting a few seats down from me waiting for the wife’s sister to arrive. When the sister got there, the husband took her carry-on bag and the two sisters hugged and took off chatting together. My first thought was, I would have not let go of my suitcase. Then I thought about needing to be more feminine. I needed to learn to give up my suitcase!
Just that simple act of giving up her suitcase to the man, showed that this woman was acting in her femininity. In that act, she not only became more attractive to the men who may have seen her, she made her sister’s husband feel more like a man. He was able to be helpful, and take care of something for her, which is what men were made for.
Understanding Men Today
If you have a man at home and are thinking, yeah, right, I can’t even get my man to pick up his socks off the floor, you will especially benefit from today’s exercise. Many men have been taught, unfortunately by us women, to be less like a man. This is the flip side of us not understanding our femininity, however, you can turn that around. The more feminine you behave, the more you will let the men around you know it's okay for them to be masculine.
Men need to be able to do things for you. Heaven knows they don’t understand all our emotions and “sharing”; they know how to “do”. When we take care of everything we are teaching our men that we don’t need them. Even if we don’t need them, it feels good to be needed so, we need to let them feel like we need them.
Let them do the things for you men used to always do for women. Gush over the fact that he opens the door for you, and give him a big smile if he helps you on with your coat. Of course you can do these things for yourself, we are strong, capable, women, but in that strength we need to let our men do for us.
Look at the power we have as women, we get to choose to let our men be men. Men have had such a hard time with the “new woman” because they don’t know what their own manly role is anymore.
Let me tell you though, even if they have never opened your door, helped you on with your jacket, or paid for your meal, if you “let” them start doing these things (you may have to coax them to get started) they will feel manlier and treat you more like a woman without even realizing it. The stronger those two opposites are, masculine and feminine, the better your romantic relationship will be.
When it comes to masculinity and femininity it is true, opposites do attract.
Activity - Letting A Man Do For You
The activity this week is just one step, which can be repeated with different subjects. It will get you headed in the right direction of using your feminine side more naturally. If you are used to always being in your masculine traits, and don’t feel bad because many women have learned to do this, you may find using your feminine traits one of the most challenging things you have done.
I want you to find a man that you can “let” do something for you.
It can be that you let a man open the door for you – if he doesn’t, just stand to the side and wait. He has to go in so he will eventually open it. Immediately walk in, say “thank you”, and smile. Even if he didn’t plan to let you go in while he held the door, if you stand on the opening side you can slip in ahead of him. It shouldn’t take much, if you give him a big smile, for him to get the message. Start with this one simple act and train yourself to wait for any man you may be with, even strangers going into buildings at the same time, to open the door for you.
If you already do this act on a regular basis, think of something else you can do and keep practicing it until it becomes routine. Then do something else.
Let the man always get the bill when you go out, let him open your car door, let him carry the heavy stuff – even if he has to take two trips. There are a lot of little things you can do to show your femininity.
The idea is to increase your femininity, thereby increasing his masculinity, which will make your romantic life very exciting.
Still Have "Guy" Fun
Letting men do things for you doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy camping or hunting or other “non-girly” activities, it just means to remember to use your feminine power to make your relationships with a man stronger, or to attract a manly man if you are single.
Good luck in your activity this week. Remember to come back here and let me know how it goes. We can help each other learn by sharing our experiences and sharing is a feminine trait.
How I Destroyed A Great Romantic Relationship
I was dating this guy, not serious yet, but heading in that direction, until I ruined it. I would occasionally spend the night at his house. Usually we would go out for dinner and drinks then just sit and talk. Well, one night he decided to make me dinner instead. He wouldn’t let me in the kitchen at all. He came out with this great meal and served it to me very ceremoniously. It was one of the nicest things anyone ever did for me. The following morning, he had to leave early and let me sleep in.
My First Wrong Move
I wanted to do something nice to show him how much I appreciated the meal the night before. So, before I left, I did up the dishes and scrubbed his very dirty stove. I left him a thank-you note and headed home. It was several days later and I hadn’t heard anything from him. Finally, after a week went by, I text him to see if I could stop by again. He said "sure."
My Second Wrong Move
I had been so impressed by him making me a meal the week before that I wanted to make one for him. I don’t cook much but I do make a great lasagna. So, I made up a pan, got some French bread to go with, and a pie for desert. I headed over to his house very excited. When it came time for dinner he said he wasn’t hungry. I had some of the food and we sat and watched TV. I went home very confused about what was wrong.
Figuring Out What I Did Wrong
After puzzling over it for the next few days, I finally called him and asked him what was wrong. His answer was, “I don’t think it’s going to work between us.” I asked him why not. He said, “Because I can’t do anything for you.” We talked some more, I apologized profusely, and we did see each other a few more times but his manliness had been wounded too much for it to work. I do have to say there were other similar instances that had happened prior to this but this was the final demasculinizing thing I did that ended it.
Seeing It From A Man's Perspective
You might be saying, “but you were just trying to be nice.” This is true, and was my complete motivation. After all women are the ones who “normally” cook and clean. Doing that doesn’t seem like I would be making a man feel less masculine. However, if I looked at it from his perspective, I could totally see how badly my actions came across.
First, by cleaning up his kitchen, I was telling him I didn’t think he was tidy enough. Second, by bringing food the next time I saw him, I was saying his cooking wasn’t good enough for me. Like I said, I had done other things that “told him” the same thing prior to this.
My actions all along were telling him he couldn’t do anything to please me. It wasn’t true, but that’s what my actions portrayed. It was a hard lesson but I learned to think about how what I’m doing looks from the masculine side. From the perspective of needing to take care of things. I needed to let go of my suitcase so he could pull it.
I hope you can learn from my mistakes. Come back next week and I will delight you with more of my learning experiences.